Archive for category: Leadership and Sales Training Blog

In all of my coaching, I consistently advise clients to listen first, sell second. But it turns out…I’ve been listening all wrong.

More to the point…I realized I needed to listen as though I’m wrong. What that means is that I don’t have all the answers and the ones I do have could be wrong. I need to wait to get all the information before forming my response. Wow…when that hit me, I realized how much more connected I could become to my clients. What a way to start off the new year!

Giving is Receiving

Have you ever noticed that when you’re speaking with someone, the person starts to talk before you have finished your thought? Or they will say, inadvertently, “Oh, I knew that.” Generally, people do this to demonstrate their participation in the conversation. They also may do this defensively. In either case, it is passive listening in the sense that they really aren’t hearing what you’re saying…they are just waiting for their turn.

To counter this, I’ve decided that I will give my ear (and time) to their fully expressed thoughts. I am committed to listening as completely as I can with the hope that they, in turn, will listen to me. Each day I’ve done this in 2020, I’ve gotten better at understanding a person’s sentiment behind what they’re saying. I get more in tune with them. I illustrate my patience and ability to honor their thought. I’ve also discovered I’m better able to uncover their personal plight or challenge. The mere acts of giving my full attention has allowed me to receive more information, more insight, and more details from which I can create a recommendation.

Slowing the Framing of Responses

Like you I’m sure, it is impossible for me not to frame my rejoinder thought/comment to someone who’s speaking. It’s involuntary. The big difference with my new “always wrong” approach is that I am slowing down the response-framing by over-listening. Essentially, I am listening with no hidden agenda. And the result? I’m amazed at how forthcoming people are. I’ve gotten far deeper into their core issues…and have gotten there faster since we aren’t debating my quickly-formed opinions. My response are more information leading to a better, two-way conversation.

Putting This Transformation into Practice

Many years ago, a great client offered me a large position within his organization. At that time, I was in the planning of going out on my own, so as much as I was honored by his offer, I knew I was destined to run my own business. During our interaction though, he asked me something I’ve never forgotten. He asked, “I’ve seen you train over two hundred of my team this past year and I’m curious, do you do anything wrong?” At that moment I became a deer-in-the-headlights. I didn’t have a clue how to answer him, essentially, I froze.

Noting this, he came back with saying, “You’re delivering the exact training I want, but are you approachable once the program is over?” And that trigged a revelation.

What I had been somewhat blind to is that my training had a bias. I had time for the participants that “got” what I was teaching, but not for others who needed more time/context to get it. The training messages were about me, NOT about what I was offering for people to assimilate and adapt their own lives and careers.

I changed my teaching style from his feedback. I’ve made it my focus to make time for everyone in any training. This change in my behavior inspired a desire to learn more about myself, my humanity and drove a deep desire to help people. That’s why this year I’ve chosen to listen as though I’m wrong, to allow people to fully express their ideas, issues, or frustrations. The value of listening as though you are wrong is to put yourself in a secondary position/mute your desire to fix, allowing the other person to fully express their thoughts, with NO AGENDA to correct them, only to contribute to, hear and acknowledge them, when you have understood their plight.

I feel like a better person from this, excited to see how 2020 unfolds with a new perspective.

Can you listen like you’re wrong? Need some help? Let’s connect and work on it together. 

In my last post, I wrote about the communication vacuum created by virtual environments. It featured a client who was making recommendations that didn’t land because he got no prior input from his company’s leadership, most of whom were not located in his office or region. He had not worked to close the distance gap through communication. That’s what we will look at in this post.

Virtual Environments Challenge Our Relevance

Have you ever completed a virtual call/meeting and asked yourself:
“Did we accomplish anything?”
“Was I heard?”
“What will people do next with this issue?”

Communicating in a virtual environment challenges our relevance! All of us want to contribute, all of us want to be affirmed. But doing so solely by electronic means (email, text, calls, etc.), limits how you can directly communicate with your teams and leadership. However, many people see the solution here as more video calls or more frequent trips to the corporate office so that you can stay “top of mind.” While that can help, I believe people should focus less on the methods in which they are communicating and paying far more attention to HOW they are communicating. Are you having meaningful conversations or just surface-level, tactical ones? The former establishes you as a trusted advisor and leader; the latter creates the chance that you will be commoditized…just one of the pack with little relevance.

Research the Key Issues

One assumption my client from my last post made was that he already understood the key issues facing the leadership team. At one point, he may have. But let me ask you…have your priorities and goals ever changed? Of course they have. So, it is imperative that you find out the current “keep me up at night” issues your audience is facing. Do they have new challenges? If they have the same challenges they’ve had before, why is that? What makes them persist? Probing about key issues will be paramount to your being able to make a solid recommendation. And please…do NOT have this conversation via email or text. At a bare minimum, have a phone call. Video chat would be next and then, best of all, a face-to-face. Via the last two, you will be able to assess facial and body language, which will help you really get to the root of the issues.

Empathize but Don’t Agree

Maintaining trust in a virtual environment is difficult, to say the least. If you aren’t having meaningful conversations with your team and leadership, your status will start to erode. Remaining in communication is very important but the communication you have also has to have substance. If you’ve established trust, the person you speak with will reveal deeper issues that will seem very real. You can empathize with the person and acknowledge that they believe these issues to be critical. However, your job is to help them, so it does not help if you accept a “there’s nothing we can do” attitude. There likely is something to be done and you will work to discover what it is. It’s important that you remain calm and confident. Do not lose your cool or your patience. Reach to realize your listener’s struggle but don’t get caught up in the downward spiral. Stay separated enough that you can bring a new perspective.

Communicate with Questions

Virtual environments create communication time gaps. What I mean is that many times, you might realize that you haven’t communicated with a team member or supervisor in many days. And while you may not have a critical issue to discuss, reaching out and asking them a question about the challenges you already know about (see above!), is a good way to open up a communication line. It’s the best way I know to cheat on the test, meaning it gets underneath the core issue driving the person’s behavior with your sincere curiosity. And do it often. It will further establish the trust they have in you, your leadership, and your desire to partner to solve the issues.

Check-In

In both one’s business and personal life, knowing that someone is thinking about you and is concerned about your issues goes a long way to maintaining a healthy relationship. Check-in with your team often but remember to also do the same with your boss. People want to know that you have their backs. Doing so in a virtual environment is actually far EASIER than before when we didn’t have all the technology to do so. Firing off a quick email or text to ask about how they are progressing with known issues just lets them know you haven’t let the issue go since your last conversation. It is top of mind for you, too, and you are still working on solutions. Your staff will appreciate that you are “going the extra mile” with them while leadership will see you as someone not just concerned about his/her own silo…rather, as a team player willing to help wherever needed. And don’t we ALL want people like that on our team?

Virtual environments do present a lot of challenges, but most of them can be overcome with communication. As we’ve discussed here, though, it’s not just the method and frequency that matters (though they DO matter). It is the substance that matters most. Make sure you are having meaningful conversations with your team and leadership. If you struggle with how to do this, give me a call (ok…you can email if you must!).

Imagine you are the quarterback of a football team. You drive the team to the goal line…just one yard separates you from a touchdown. But instead of directing the next play, you walk off the field, leaving your team stunned and unsure how to proceed.

That’s what a client of mine has been doing her whole career.  She is smart, does very good work, and people genuinely like her. She leads her team well, until she has to risk providing her opinion to a client. Then, she clams up.

What she doesn’t realize is that her opinions are the difference she brings to the game. Her team and clients want her to take a strong stance in offering her insights.

Your Opinion Is the Difference

Back to our football analogy. Two quarterbacks are playing in the same game. They have the same number of completions for the exact same amount of yardage. But QB1 has three touchdowns while QB2 none. Who is the more valued player? Of course, the one that scored.

Your team is looking to you to get them across the goal line. They want to hear your opinions and have them based on the experience you’ve amassed over your time as a professional. It is your opinion that is the difference you bring to the game. It is yours. You own it. But you have to communicate it.

Take the Risk of Taking a Stand

My client is known for providing her input by saying, “It seems like the problem is…” I imagine her clients have no idea what to do with that. They don’t want to know what something “seems like,” they want to know how it is. A problem presented in such a soft manner only leads to a client next questioning whatever solution is offered. Can you imagine our quarterback saying, “Well, it seems like they are covering our receivers so, perhaps we should run the ball?” Who would have confidence in that strategy?

Clients want you to take risks and offer your opinion. Tell them what the problem is, according to your view of it, and offer a strong solution. They may not agree with you, but far more times than not they will appreciate the chance you took. You took a stand on their behalf and now, you look like you are fully a part of the team and not just watching from the sidelines.

Be Relational and Create Urgency

I often speak about communicating relationally. This means listening first, speaking second. It also means delivering your input based on your audience’s world view, not yours. You have to understand where they are coming from, get in there (I call it “staying in the pain”), and deliver your opinion in a way in which they can relate.

Doing this will help you create urgency. When you pinpoint specific issues they are facing based on the probing you’ve done to get to their pain points, you can then deliver solutions that are on point and are needed now! If you’ve done your homework, listened, probed, and then delivered tailored solutions, you won’t have to ask if they are ready to move forward…they will ask you when you can start!

I worked with this client over several weeks and the results were tremendous. She changed her relationships, creating ones in which her team and her clients realized her value and the difference she was making. So, the next time you are driving your team to the goal, consider that they are all looking for you to get them across it. What will you do to get them there?

How do you deliver your opinions? Are they scoring plays or incompletions? Let me know. – SG

What is your gift? I bet that’s a question you haven’t asked yourself in a while…or at all. You should have an answer. Most people don’t.

That is not to say that people don’t have a gift. They do; they just haven’t defined it. In business development and sales, I always say that people buy people first, products/services second. That means they are buying your gift…that quality, personality trait, and/or experience that sets you apart from the next person coming through the door.

Let’s take a look at what I mean.

What do I stand for?

Getting to the core of who you are, why you do what you, why you do it for the company you’re doing it for, and why all of that is a benefit for your clients is paramount. That core is what you stand for and defines how you communicate what you do. What are you most proud to announce to the world? Make a list but focus on the “why” rather than the “what.” For example, “I sell widgets.” That’s the what. “I help companies provide better service.” That’s the why. It’s your personal brand promise. Once you know that promise, making it known to your clients will be one key way to set yourself apart from others who have not likely defined it for themselves.

What Makes Me Unique?

Depending on what your company does or sells, there may be dozens if not hundreds of competing companies that will make similar claims about what they offer. So much gets commoditized these days, it’s why a lot of times (too many, in my opinion) decisions are made on price. Therefore, the person presenting the offer becomes much more important. That’s you. But what makes you different than the next person through your client’s door? Why would someone buy you first, then your product or service? If you don’t know, neither will they.

For example, I have a client in the hotel architecture industry. Her “gift” is a deep understanding and knowledge of back-of-the-house operations. What makes her unique is that she creates designs that respect those operations, allowing them to work seamlessly with the front-of-the-house, leading to a more compatible relationship between the two. Her competitors focus on the “sizzle” of the front of the house, virtually ignoring the core operations. We worked to get her to bring her gift to light quickly and often with new clients, giving her an advantage as clients acknowledge her uniqueness.

Why Can’t I Be Imitated?

What makes me un-imitatable? That’s your secret sauce. If there is something about your background, your approach to the business, your work style, your commitment to clients, that makes you who you are, that’s what you need to bring to the forefront with clients. If you worked with me or read past blog posts, you know I speak a lot about a company’s Value Proposition. So, for individuals, it’s important to know what your Personal Value Proposition (PVP) is. Again, it’s the “why” of what you do and that which gets you up in the morning, ready to tackle the day’s challenges. Clients should be able to sense that you fully understand your PVP and that you will use it to provide a higher level of service to them compared to the competitors right outside their door!

Finding your gift can be difficult. It takes some serious effort and perspective. But once you arrive at what it is…that “a-ha!” moment so many speak of, you will find that it will better define your uniqueness and lead to strong client relationships.

I often talk (and write) about “pain points” and “staying in the pain” with clients. I stress that finding out where a clients’ frustrations may lie or what keeps them up at night is a good way to tailor your recommendations so that you address those core concerns, all the time.

But the flip side of this is true, also. You need to find out what will ultimately make a client happy so that they are satisfied with your partnership and your ability to make their vision a reality. So many times, concessions are made that dim the light of that vision. In this post, let’s look at a recent example and a client who really needed to stay focused on the “jewel box” her client desired.

Too Many Cooks, Not Enough Understanding

From the start, her client was quite clear what he wanted. It was to be a standard-setting, world-class destination that people the world over would aspire to use as their special event space. He needed it to be head-turning, media-attention grabbing, and beyond anything his customers could imagine. It would take some out-of-the-box thinking and creativity from my client and her team was up to the challenge.

Unfortunately for my client, she works in an industry where this type of creativity is only valued to a point and many times, projects get transferred to other firms that can complete them for less cost. It becomes a case of too many cooks in the kitchen, but no one knows what the final meal is supposed to taste like. That disconnection is where she and I focused our work together.

Jewel Box vs Just a Box

Because my client had been there from the beginning and understood her client’s true vision, I helped her present that knowledge as an added-value as she made her case for completing the whole project. She already saw that several concessions were being proposed that would lower the cost but divert the project from the result her client truly desired. “He wanted a jewel box, which we had proposed, but once it got into the hands of others, it was starting to look like it would be just a box.”
It was at this point, I recommended she say to her client, “We understood your vision for this project from the start and delivered designs that will get you there. We also understood that the investment would be significant. A firm promising you to deliver the project for far less is going to cut corners and I worry that you will not be satisfied with the result. You will get a box instead of a jewel box. Is that what you envisioned?”

Sometimes, Vision Means Looking Back

By tying her recommendations back to the original vision, she has created an atmosphere of partnership and understanding that no firm coming in at the last minute could replicate. It let her client know that she was listening and stayed true to what he ultimately wants from the project, not letting outside influences deter him from his goal.
Distractions, offers of “we can do it for less,” and proposed concessions that will make a project “good enough” can set a client down many different paths. Sometimes, it’s up to YOU to keep them on track based on their own desires and goals. When you realign them so that they stay focused on what will truly make them happy, they will get what they desired and will remember that it was you that preserved their vision. You’ve just elevated yourself to a trusted advisor position. Congratulations!