Stop Selling Yourself First!

I’ve noticed something over the years: the higher someone climbs in an organization, the less they need to talk about themselves.

That may sound counterintuitive, especially when you’re interviewing for a leadership role or presenting to senior executives. Most people believe those moments are their opportunity to showcase every accomplishment on their résumé. I coach clients that they should approach them differently. Whether interviewing for a position, updating a CEO, or presenting to a board, you should begin with one assumption: they don’t know what you’ve accomplished—and more importantly, they don’t care yet. They’re focused on their business, their challenges, and the decisions they need to make. Until you understand what’s occupying their attention, your accomplishments are simply stories without context.

That realization came into focus recently while coaching a close friend preparing for a C-suite interview. His résumé was exceptional, and he had no shortage of meaningful accomplishments to discuss. But every answer he gave started with what he had done rather than what the organization needed. I suggested he resist the urge to prove himself and instead spend the first part of the conversation asking thoughtful questions.

What are the biggest commercial challenges facing the business?
Why was this position created?
What would success look like after the first year?

Those questions transformed the interview from an exercise in self-promotion into a conversation about the company’s future.

There’s an important psychological shift that happens when you lead with curiosity. People become more engaged because they’re talking about what matters most to them. More importantly, they’re giving you the information you need to make your experience relevant. Rather than reciting accomplishments in hopes that one resonates, you can connect your background directly to the problems they’ve already identified. The same achievement suddenly carries more weight because it answers a question they actually have.

Too often we believe credibility comes from demonstrating how much we know. In reality, credibility is earned by demonstrating how well we understand the other person’s priorities. People are far more receptive to your experience after they feel you’ve taken the time to understand theirs. The best leaders I’ve worked with ask thoughtful questions, listen carefully, and then tailor their perspective to what they’ve learned. They’re not trying to impress anyone; they’re trying to solve a problem. That’s why they come across as trusted advisors instead of people seeking approval.

The next time you’re preparing for an important conversation, resist the temptation to lead with your résumé. Start by understanding the other person’s world. Once you’ve earned the right to share your experience, your accomplishments won’t sound like self-promotion—they’ll sound like solutions.